November first, Seattle sinks into four months of darkness and gloom. We get up in the dark. We eat dinner in the dark. Some claim there is an hour of daylight while we are working, but I don’t believe it. Did I mention it rains all the time?
Folks in Seattle go to therapists. I think we’d be better off to get a dog. So, let’s weigh the plusses and minus’.
On the Plus side for Dogs:
Scheduling A dog will see you without an appointment.
Being heard Dogs are good listeners. A dog never looks at its watch and says, “Well, our time’s up.”
Separation A dog gets a creepy look on its face when you leave him behind. Therapists are always smiling.
Recovery A dog doesn’t know how fucked up you are. The less popular you are, the happier the dog.
Quirks A dog does not ask you embarrassing questions about your behavior. In return, it expects you to ignore all that leg humping and butt sniffing.
Health Dogs lower your blood pressure. Dogs lower your cholesterol. Dogs lower stress.
Poop Dogs are suspicious about people picking up the very stuff they can’t wait to get rid of, but dogs are tolerant. Since tolerance is a virtue, I’m putting this on the plus side.
Dress Code A dog doesn’t care if you never get out of your pajamas. Try visiting your therapist looking like that.
Sleeping Quarters Dogs sneak into your bed and stretch out. Therapists sneak into your head and stretch out.
Get Going Dogs encourage you to get off the couch. Therapists encourage you back onto the couch.
Budgeting Dogs work cheap. You get unconditional love for three squares and a roof over its head.
On the Minus side for Dogs:
Medication Dogs cannot prescribe drugs.
And The Outcome: There you have it. Therapists win hands down.
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